By Travis Lyle a.k.a DJ Hedmekanik
Try taebo, try fly-fishing but don’t try karaoke whatever you do, it’s a reef on which all music is shredded to flotsam, not to mention utterly embarrassing, have you no shame? Try skydiving, try chewing tobacco, on second thoughts don’t, it’ll ruin your karaoke voice, try chewing gum but for fuck’s sake not in Singapore, they’ll shoot you on sight, try weed but don’t let it turn you into a couch potato, try jumping on a trampoline for a while but don’t get down about the fact that it squeaks and shakes ominously unlike when you were a lightie and weighed only 45 kg’s, try having sex in a quiet corner of a game reserve on a Sunday when there’s nobody about but remember to keep a blanket under you cos the grass roasties sting like a motherfucker, try making it up to see your grandmother at her old place but make sure you don’t tell your friends in the area or they'll take you out and show you the town and then you'll have a severe hangover and your gran will notice and ply you with tea and sticky buns, try to stop smoking, and yes, ten a day is less but it sure isn’t stopping, try to imagine life without worries but you just can’t picture it cos life without worries is death, worries are there to let you know you’re still alive, try to drink a better brand of whisky but once you’re drunk your tastebuds don’t care, so you keep to the budget and buy the same brand, only twice as much, try to keep your head above water at work even though to all intents and purposes you’re working to stay in debt because somehow you just can’t make ends meet, in fact, they’ve a distinct aversion to meeting - maybe the best way would be to set them up on a blind date, get them drunk and rent them a fucking hotel room by the hour. Try to remember where the hell you put that lotto ticket that you’re sure has at least five winning numbers on it, but that could just be your interminable hope bubbling over, try putting more cash into savings rather, there’s a better option, try to not get irritable when people let you down, you know they’re all flawed but then we all are, just like Sage Francis says - we're either all stars or none of us are, try to be nicer, a little nice goes a long way these mean-ass days, try to make a difference, because fuck knows nobody else is going to, try to give a bigger tip to the lady who packs your bags at the supermarket, she can’t be making much in any case, or else stop being so damned lazy and take a bag with you and pack it yourself for once, try to take more walks in your neighbourhood, yes you should leave all your belongings behind but there really is a wonderful world out there if you take the time to step out into it, try to maintain interest in things that may not be your cup of tea but mean the world to others, try to swear less in the company of children, and their parents, try to save the world by not breeding, try to see things from a new perspective, try to sleep more and try to sweat at least once a day, that’s supposed to be the minimum effort we should make if we wanna live to be old, try not to think about how old you must look but rather how the elderly still see you as young, try to not get pissy when you have to stay late at work and would rather go to the beach, try to forget all those times when people made you feel like shit, try rather to remember when someone went outta their way to make you feel good, try to remember the times someone told you about something you did or said that made them feel good, but you never realised the impact it had on them, try to understand that since time began people have had the same problems you have to face, so there is endless reference and advice that can be given and considered, try to stay up to the end of the movie, try not to fall into the stereotype, try not to step in the archetype (it’ll get all over your shoe and you’ll walk it into the carpet, which will be hell to get out), try a little tenderness, go on, just give it a try.

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