We Need Some Sunshine

By Travis Lyle a.k.a DJ Hedmekanik
Tommie Sunshine is the man.

Yes, we've had a fucked up couple weeks down SA way. 'Xenophobic' riots, further racially-tinted episodes up and down the land being dragged through the courts, and of course the ongoing interest rate hike. All as winter's teeth really bite in. And then, adding insult to injury, James Blunt did a tour. Mind you, could've been worse. Could've been Josh Groban. Now there's a powerful truth serum to use against reticent enemies of the state:

Evil Interrogator #1: 'Now you listen here and you listen good, maggot - tell us where the secret files are stored or your balls go in the blender!'
Hero: 'Pah! Go ahead. You'll get nothin' from me. I spit on your blender. Ptui.'
Evil #1: 'Hmmm, wiseguy, eh? How about a little bit of THIS -' (cue Josh Groban's latest single, 'You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)')
Hero: 'Aaaaeeehhhhhhggggggggg!!!!!!! Fuucccccckkkkkk!!!! Make it stopppp!!! I'll tell you everything!'
Evil #1: 'That's more like it. Now - where are the goddamn files?'
Hero: 'Ha! In your dreams, Sparky. I'll never -' (the Groban is turned up, reaching a particularly cruel crescendo) 'Gggghhhhhh OK - OK - they're in the safe...aaahhhhhhh!!!!! Make it....stop...make it....aaaaaaaa..a...bblllth....' Eyeballs boil, tongue goes blue; the Hero is toast.
Evil #1: 'Shit - we've lost him! Now we'll never know where those files are hidden!'
Evil 2: 'Wha?'
Evil #1: 'Take those bloody earplugs out!'
Evil #2: 'Oh. Right. That's better. What?'
Evil #1: 'He's dead - can't you see - he's dead!'
Evil #2: 'Damn, that Groban shit is strong.'


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