This Chorizo Assumption

By Travis Lyle a.k.a DJ Hedmekanik

Bluff Headland Heritage Park? Not a sausage...

For all those who live in Durban and wonder why our local tourism industry flounders, consider the following:

The Ethekwini Municipality, through its erstwhile tourism marketing arm, Durban Africa, put out a tourism brochure a couple of years ago. This brochure, entitled ‘101 Things To Do In Durban’, has since been scanned as a low-resolution PDF and is now resident on the internet, despite containing some incorrect information. Perhaps it was a ‘blue sky’ marketing ploy, designed to ramp up the city’s profile by including projects that had yet to see the light of day. One of these is/was/may be the ‘Bluff Headland Heritage Park’ which I, understandably as a Durban resident would love to see, considering that the Bluff headland remains the largest undisturbed tract of original Durban bush, due to its military history. However, despite much to offer the local or international tourist this elusive place, which could provide a whole new way of seeing the city, remains shrouded in mystery. A visit to the army base on the Bluff yielded no clues, as the soldiers stationed there were nonplussed when asked of the whereabouts of this fabled destination. Calls to Tourist Junction, the city’s tourism marketing hub located in the centre of town, went something like this:

Me: (Dials 031 3044934) Ring ring...ring ring...ring ring....
Unidentified Tourist Junction Employee: “Toozumshin, hakinelpyoo?”
Me: “Hi there, I’d like to find out some info about the Bluff Headland Heritage Park?”
UTJE: “Huh? Bluff what?”
Me: “Bluff Headland Heritage Park?”
UTJE: “Plizold”...scratchy electronic marimba and drums, dial tones and finally:
Another UTJE “Twos Gumption, hakinelpyoo?”
Me: “Hi there, I’d like to get some information about the Bluff Headland Heritage Park?”
AUTJE: “The what?” (Possible snickering in the background from one UTJE to another upon realising that the bilious brochure continues to sow discord.)
AUTJE: “National Park? You try KZN Ezemvelo on 031...”
Me: “NO! The phone number in the information brochure is for Tourist Junction – 3044934!”
AUTJE: “Yes. Is our number. Hakinelpyoo?”
Me: “Please – I have a brochure. From Tourist Junction. It lists the Bluff Headland Heritage Park. And says that there is public access, but that you may be able to provide me with further information.”
AUTJE: “You want information, you call 1023. This Chorizo Assumption.”

By which stage, of course, the bile is leaking out of my ears, my eyes have started to froth blood and the chance of ever unearthing the truth about the Bluff Headland Heritage Park is rapidly receding into the distance. If anyone has more luck than I, please let me know.
\p.s: please excuse the screwy fonts etc. Blogger is in the throes of thrombosis, it would appear...


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